The truth is that we have been emerging, growth, and traveling toward spiritual ascension for a looooong time now, but in this year, 2022, progress to be made is quite profound and capable of swifter movement forward. The chaos we are witnessing on a global scale is similar to our own personal struggle or when two brothers “duke it out” to achieve peace again.
With so much manipulated information being broadcasted 24/7, are you noticing yourself experiencing a more defined personal sense of Truth because you sense the manipulation? It’s more of an acknowledgment of what’s inside of you speaking, swelling up to the top of your conscious/awareness of what is clearly your Truth. Therefore, the chaos has had purpose for you.
It is the same with parenting the children who have arrived recently. They are up to speed with life here on Earth coming into their bodies, they are listening to their internal Wisdoms, and they have a clear understanding of their purposes for being in these bodies. They see through the chaos…unless it’s been removed from them. Unless they’ve been told too many times that their Truths aren’t correct. Unless they now believe that someone else’s Truth is correct.
Parenting these New Humans requires to see the big picture and to remind them of Who They Really Are and to show them how to listen to their personal internal Divine Wisdoms. We parents must see the New Human within ourselves first in order to show it to our kids. We are different than the generations before us because we…were up to speed with life here on Earth coming into our bodies in whatever year we arrived, we were listening to our internal Wisdoms, and we had a clear understanding of our purposes for being in these bodies. We saw through the chaos of that time…unless it was removed from us. Unless we were told too many times that our Truths weren’t correct. Unless we believed that someone else’s Truth was correct.
Let’s fix this generational, traditional parenting style issue into a co-creative, New Human experience for all. Let’s make sure all kids arriving now and recently Who They Really Are and how to listen to their own personal Divine Wisdoms.
From the chaos comes clarity. The chaos creates the need to develop within us our focus on own Truths in order to show how to do it to our young. For those of us now doing this, let’s do it with confidence today while the others still commingling with the chaos eventually will find their Truths.
This is empowerment parenting. This is spiritual parenting. This is seeing the big picture. This is the path of the New Human!
Think of your future self 20 years from now. The kids are all grown up and out of the house. What are you doing? What are you thinking? Since I am in this position, I can tell you what it is like. There are great times of contemplation of days gone by. I think about precious times shared with my daughter that bring such joy. I also think of the times I could have done better. I’m glad those memories are relatively few.
It is the knowing that I provided my daughter with the foundation of what positive, empowered parenting is. She experienced it firsthand. She was on the beneficial receiving end of this kind of parenting. I have heard many, many words of thanks for the way I raised her…from her!
Now, that my job is done, I know what kind of parenting my future grandkids will receive. And, THAT is a wonderful thought, indeed! You see, I began parenting her in a traditional, top-down style. After a few situations that left me feeling odd, I knew I wanted a change. I found co-creative parenting that is cooperative, joyful, and peaceful even through life’s ups and downs. It is dramatically different. It’s empowering. It’s refreshing. It’s the way parenting was meant to be, I believe.
With this change of parenting, I not only reaped the rewards while raising my daughter, but I began my positive parental legacy right then and there. I know my future family lineage is in good hands.
Since it’s such a dramatic difference that has the power to positively impact your future family lineage for generations, I have developed a program to teach it to you and other parents. Click here for more information: https://middleschoolyearswithouttears.com/consulting/.
Your parental legacy begins today. This year. In 2022!
This is an excerpt from Middle School Meditations For Mothers (And, Fathers, Too!) Expanded, which is due to be published late 2022. This book contains 100 meditations for parents, space for journalizing, and a page for each of the 100 meditations of my personal thoughts about the meditations.
As the champion of my daughter’s academic progress, I can understand that every person on the Earth has his or her own learning style. Approximately seven billion learning styles exist. I can choose to honor her style and speak about it often so that she recognizes her particular style to be utilized in her future workplace, family, etc.
The fact that everyone has a unique learning style is truly empowering information, which can be taught, explained, and discussed often beginning at age three so that by the time any child enters formalized schooling, he or she is knowledgeable about how he or she learns best AND can communicate it to others who may or may not understand that one size of education does not fit all.
Just as we look for our children’s strengths regarding extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, arts, or reading and we try to feed those interests, we can observe how our children learn best and try to feed those individual types. Recognizing and supporting individual learning styles as soon as possible is key to academic success.
What does your daughter like to do? Move, sing, bounce a ball, talk to friends, listen to music, read books alone in a corner, or draw? These are indicators of how she learns. Children will naturally display their innate way of learning. It can be masked by typical toddler, youth, or adolescent behaviors. The turned-in and observant parent will see beyond the behaviors to a revealing learning style.
There are several main learning styles: inter-personal, intra-personal, tactile/kinesthetic, musical, auditory, and visual among others. Some children are solely or primarily one of these styles while, and more common, some children are a combination of these styles with one dominant style. For example, a visual, intra-personal, and musical child will want to study by herself or maybe with one other person while listing to music drawing diagrams, charts, or pictures to remember her educational lessons of the day. Another child who is a tactile auditory learner will want to be moving about drumming with sticks or fingers stating out loud her educational lessons of the day.
You can choose to be your child’s academic champion by observing her, providing feedback to her about your observations, communicating her learning style to her teachers, and providing the learning space in your home for her that matches how she learns.
It is in celebration of all the 7 billion unique beings on Earth that we have 7 billion unique learning styles. Isn’t Earthly living amazing?
The following is an excerpt from my soon-to-be published book: Meditations for Middle School Mothers (And, Fathers, Too!) Expanded. In this book, the 100 meditations already published in Meditations for Middle School Mothers (And, Fathers, Too!) will not only include writing space for parents, but will also include my interpretation and suggested parental strategies. Each of the 100 meditations will include a full page of my explanation.
I can choose to guide my child to be an empowered self-observer of his or her own life by analyzing noticeable patterns. If she repeatedly complains about a teacher, I can be the guiding agent to bring the pattern into her awareness and then together create a list of empowering and positive options to “fix the problem.” Enjoying together the positive vibes that come from being freed from a stuck negative pattern, I can encourage her to notice other patterns in her life as well and follow the same path of creating options to eliminate or reduce problems.
Patterns help us define our Earthly existence. Some patterns, such as daytime and nighttime, provide positive stability. Some patterns, such as habitual complaining, strong 3 pm sugar cravings, and prolonged evening couch-sitting, provide negative stability. Being aware of both kinds of patterns is part of what is defined as mindfulness, which is an empowering way of living.
Even children and teens can live their lives with empowering mindfulness. Parents can play a huge role in developing such an awareness of life by noticing what is happening in The Now moment to create a desired future. Bringing both kinds of patterns to your kids’ awareness is one step to living mindfully in the present moment to not only creating, but to experiencing empowerment as much as possible.
For example, your child comes home every day complaining about school. The conversation goes something like this: “Honey, I’ve noticed a pattern, which seems to be disempowering you and your life. I think it is making your life less than it can be. I think it’s…quite possibly…probably…making you miserable! It seems that this pattern is keeping you stuck.” (addressing the issue without personal judgment)
“Life is full of options and choices so you can decide to change this pattern if you want to. I am just telling you about an observation I’ve been noticing. The choice is yours to change it to something lighter and funnier.” Sing: ‘You’ve got the power!’ (keep it lighthearted)
“Just like when you pointed out that I was saying too much about that cute boy who has a crush on you, I changed that pattern. It was actually nice and kind of you to tell me and bring it to my attention. So thank you. I felt relieved to know about the pattern. It felt good to release it and replace it with different actions. Thanks!”
Patterns are beneficial, but also can keep us stuck. Without blame, these can be addressed to mindfully experience life with empowerment. Eventually, your child will self-regulate and notice his or her patterns independent of you. Now, that’s empowerment!
I love the dynamics, diversity, growth potential, and awkwardness of middle school. In three short years, young humans transform from grade school students to high school students. This is no small feat!
It’s difficult, however, for middle school students to see the big picture of their schooling. Why is it structured the way it is? Why do teachers teach the way they do? What is the point of middle school? While in the midst of the day-to-day middle school routine, it is challenging to answer these questions AND have them heard. Summer is a great time for middle schoolers to gain middle school perspective!
Parents help students see the big picture of the day-to-day, hour-by-hour school experience. So can my book, Empowering Kids: School, written for middle schoolers, can help you help your student see the big picture of the entire middle school experience.
I explain, for example, why teachers provide a whole year’s curriculum in 180 days instead of all of it at once. Each day is a step, a piece, or a part of the whole. Fortunately for kids, the curriculum is sectioned into small units of study.
In addition, teachers create these units to fit together with other subject’s units for what is called interdisciplinary or cross curriculum instruction. A writing teacher may create a unit about history coordinating with the history’s teacher’s unit about WWII. The science teacher may create a unit about diseases, germs, and the origin of antiseptics and disinfectants with an emphasis on war.
Side note: Joseph Lister in the 1800s was first to introduce antiseptic surgery. Now can you guess where the product name Listerine came from? These connections of history to present life help students learn. What other fun facts can your child discover this summer?
Chapter titles include:
Choose to value the educational offerings your teachers plan and provide you every day.
Choose to explore all the educational avenues available to you, and they are all available to you.
Choose to adopt that you can become anything you want because if you can dream it, it already exists.
Choose to know every single person on the planet learns in his or her own unique way.
Choose to marvel at the “incredibles” regarding your school.
Choose to participate in events, activities, and situations that are pro only.
Choose to view every grade and assessment as your opportunity.
Empowering Kids: School is a very valuable resource for your child. It is beneficial for you as well. Would your life benefit from a less whiny child during the school year? Would you benefit if your child could understand his or her teachers better? Would you benefit if your child understood what a lower-than-expected grade really is and took responsibility for it? Yes! Yes! Yes! Get Empower Kids: School for your child now and see the difference the information in the book can make in your household for the fall.
B.O. Body Odor. It’s a nearly instant recognizable issue because noses don’t lie! The foot stench that makes your nose crinkle, the armpit smell that can knock you over, and the halitosis that is seemingly inescapable.
Even with this serious social and physical issue, you always have options. First, let’s begin at the beginning of this issue at conception.
“Conception? What does that have to do with my teen’s body odor? He didn’t stink until a few years ago!”
We parents bring with us to the conception moment our cells filled with our current physical state just like our parents did…just like our grandparents did…just like our great-grandparents did. Yes, our offspring receive 50% DNA from the maternal source and 50% DNA from the paternal source, but those sources come from a long line of ancestral DNA, which is passed onto the next generation.
This means that whatever our great-great grandparents were breathing in, eating, washing with, and being exposed to is in our bodies as well as your children’s bodies. Some of this is good and some of it is causing problems. (Remember, you always have options so stick with this blog to the end.)
There was a time when lead was used in many products and it got into people’s bodies. There was a time when mercury was commonly used and it got into people’s bodies. There was a time when burning coal was very prevalent and it got into people’s bodies. There was a time when water and sewer didn’t have all the regulations they do now and harmful aspects of this got into people’s bodies.
I could go on and on with examples, but the point is that we are the culmination of our ancestral line. Some of this is beneficial. Some of it isn’t. This is probably a huge part of your teen’s BO issue. Now that we know, we need to increase the health of our cells while removing the unwanted toxins.
Here is the solution: SWEEP FAT.
E Essential Oils
While you may be thinking that these are all the things we are all supposed to be doing to keep healthy anyway because they’ve been said over and over, these action steps are even more important in the knowledge that we have much more to do than just keep ourselves healthy. We have much more to do than that! We need to clear out generations of toxins as well as current pollution issues. We need to stop passing on the very old toxins to the next generation.
Side Note: For planned pregnancies, both mother and father can prepare for conception by beginning a nine month detox program before conceiving.
Back to SWEEP FAT…
S Sleep Adjust whatever needs to be done in order to obtain deep sleep for the perfect number of sleep hours for your child. So many options abound for this subject. Have fun researching ideas that have worked for others. It may start with getting a new bed and pillow.
W Water This wonderful sweet nectar of life is vital to our survival as it perfectly cleanses our bodies. It is especially important when focused on a detoxing effort. I try to drink at least a half gallon a day.
E Exercise Moving the body and creating some degree of sweat every day is essential for the body to move out toxins.
E Essential Oils Use these instead of perfume, which contains chemicals that can cause the need for detoxing. Have fun exploring essential oils. Don’t over use them, however. Essential oils are effective in small usages, but if spewed everywhere (air, clothes, furniture), they can cause mold over time. I personally use them sparingly for perfume only.
P Products There are many personal hygiene products, but I strongly urge you to purchase those with ingredients you can pronounce and none with sodium laurel sulfate. Deodorant without aluminum is best. Read labels and not just names of products. “All Natural” is so overused! When in doubt, talk to a knowledgeable person at a health food store.
Side Note: when I switched to a natural deodorant instead of the ones that stop sweat glands from performing their originally designed duty…to sweat…I had uncontrolled body odor for about two months as my body sighed in relief. It spewed out all the congestion in my armpits. While it stunk, it proved to me the importance of working with my body vs. trying to control it.
F Food Eat fruits and vegetables aplenty with limited meat from all natural, organic sources as much as possible. Our buying power is what we put into the grocery cart and take home with us. The more we purchase grass-fed meat along with truly plant-based cleaning products (not the ones that simply put a splash of essential oil in the product to call it plant-based) the more we send the message to producers that we demand health foods all the time.
A Affirmations This may seem a trivial step, but it is actually very important because it is giving directions to our cells to release (safely) the toxins. “I am safe now, and it is time to release all ancestral negative energy, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and toxins from my body in a safe manner.” Too fast of a release will cause illness. Your body’s Divine Wisdom will know how fast to remove the toxins.
T Thoughts Again, a very important part of the process because it is forming new beliefs in the goodness of life or it can reinforce negative beliefs. “My body responds positively to all of life. I am safe. I am abundant in all areas of life. This life is FOR me. My body is safely detoxing from all ancestral lines.”
A multiple approach to body odor is needed to fully approach the issue. Body odor in middle school can cause considerable social problems and frustrations so addressing it is necessary…and fun! It’s building life-long health habits now. Enjoy!
I can vividly remember graduating from 8th grade and wondering tremendously about high school. I can vividly remember graduating from high school and wondering tremendously about college. I can vividly remember graduating from college and wondering tremendously about my first job.
After all this wondering and all the twists and turns my life took since May of 1990, I can completely convey to any graduate of an academic standing that, “THERE IS A PLACE FOR YOU!”
Don’t these youngsters need this reminder? AND, don’t we adults need this reminder? How do their graduations apply to those of us who already graduated? There are many things we can remember or learn from this time in their lives so read on.
Just as my life did a couple of unexpected loop-d-loops on the thrilling rollercoaster ride called Lizabeth, I realize now that if I could tell my 13 year old self, my 17 year old self, and my 21 year old self not to worry and this universal truth: “There is a place for your at every step of your life,” then I would have relaxed much more.
So, without more delay, GRADUATES: THERE IS A PLACE FOR YOU AT EVERY STEP OF YOUR LIFE, and LIFE WILL HELP YOU FIND IT.
There is so much emphasis to go and “get” your life, to make it happen, and to go out into the world and find your path. But, is there a different way than blindly going about making it happen? I believe there is. Knowing this method today will help everyone right now in this moment to BE on their life paths in a much shorter time experience.
First, though, one has to believe that there is a place for each of us. Otherwise, negative competition becomes paramount. Greed enters in. Lack mentality drives the ambition to find one’s place, and this is quite an unnatural, unproductive, and negative way of going about it.
Truth #1: Each and every being on Earth right now came here purposely, pre-life divinely planned, and wanted to be here with much, much eagerness. Without going into this too much, let it be understood that before entering a physical body on Earth, there was a “meeting” with your soul group, your mentors aka spirit guides, God/Divine Source/Creator, and any other high white light beings such as Jesus to discuss what you’d like to experience, do, and create with this life that you’re in now.
The soul group is important to know about because undoubtedly you have run into these some of these people already. Some of these experiences were pleasant exchanges. Very pleasant. Supportive. Loving. Fun. Some of these experiences were not so fun. Not all soul-mate encounters are pleasant, but are useful in that the meeting was agreed upon prior to your arrival on Earth and was arranged for your highest good or highest learning. (This is not stating that free will doesn’t exist. We do have free will to react to the yearning to interact with others or not.)
It’s quite a wonderfully complex subject so I’ll move on from it for now. But, the important take away from this truth is that YOU ARE HERE FOR AN IMPORTANT, PURPOSEFUL REASON that was pre-discussed. Now, why would all that fuss take place before you got here if you weren’t super important? On a very important life path? On a personal fulfilling mission? We are all important! We all are on life paths! We all are on personal fulfilling missions. Yes, there is a place for you!
Truth #2: Look around you. What do you see? If there is a place for all those things, there’s a place for you. Dust has its place. Pens have their places. Clothes on hangers have their places (as well as the pieces of clothes on the floor.) Trees know this. Ants know this. Rocks know this. Weeds know this. It’s time for you to know this. You have a definite place in this world.
Truth #3: If you are still here, you are still involved with the creation of your mission. Those who have already exited their physical bodies, completed their missions.
There are no guarantees of a long life. Some of us agree to hang out on Earth for a short time because that is all that is needed. Why would anyone hang out in third grade longer than needed? Why would anyone stay at the amusement park after it’s locked and closed? When an experience is complete, it’s time to move onto the next one. (For a more thorough explanation of this interesting subject, read https://a.co/b9wDomn) Empowering Kids: Death, Dying, and Suicide.)
If you are still having this experience in your body, then your life’s plan is still unfolding. How exciting is that? So there is a place for your because if your life plan was complete, then you’d already be back in spirit form out of your body. It’s really simple, right? Here in a body – your life’s plan is still in motion and there’s a definite place for you. Not here in your body – your life’s plan is complete.
Truth #4: Fortunately, this is another really simple truth to understand. The way to be on your life’s plan is to follow your soul-led feelings. Good feelings indicate you are on or headed to your path. Negative/off feelings indicate you are not on nor headed to your path. (Soul-led feelings are not temporary ones like sudden anger. Need to go deeper for soul-led feelings.)
Let’s say a graduate is applying to various post-high school educational avenues. If Graduate A gets super excited about completing a technical school’s application, then this is most likely a soul-led feeling leading to a life’s plan. If Graduate A is in dragging-feet mode about applying to colleges, then this is most likely not a soul-led feeling leading to a life’s plan.
If Graduate B gets wonderful stomach butterflies about an internship or a job to gain experience before applying to schools, then this is most likely a soul-led feeling leading to a life’s plan. If Graduate B gets uncomfortable stomach butterflies about delaying post-high school education, then this is the indication to complete school applications as soon as possible.
It’s a simple, divinely-given method when it’s used. The problem is that we humans are not taught to listen to our Divine Wisdom, to listen to it on a regular basis, and to know it even exists. How many ways are we taught or directed to listen to others? Media? Those in apparent authority?
It’s super important that for world peace to exist we all know and use the built-in Divine Wisdom that came with us when entering these bodies on this Earthly experience. Yes, world peace. Quote from my website:
Lizabeth states, “We are all spirits in borrowed body suits on life journeys trying to have the best experiences right now. Peace exists when every person feels empowered to live his or her life to the fullest utilizing the complex life matrix to achieve personal dreams for the benefit of all.”
This is how life helps you find your path, keeps you on your path, and nudges you back on your path if you go “off-road.” Your Individual Divine Wisdoms embedded within you is Life (Creator/God/Divine Source) is talking to you. It’s one of the ways for communication, and I think it’s the easiest one!
Wow! That’s quite a title to this post! How would I know what to do? Who am I…Gandhi? Jesus? Buddha? Mother Teresa? In a very real way, we are all these beings we treasure. And, this means, we all have access to their Divine Wisdom to know how to effectively and peacefully bring about world peace. I’ve been tapping into it for over a decade now. It is my intention to explain here how you can tap into it, too…unless you’ve already been doing it. Then, you know what I’m writing about here. Perhaps, this is a notice to practice peace effectively more consciously on a daily basis because…
Time Is Of Essence. Global pressure has been building and is currently at a high level. The butterfly effect of the recent Ukraine invasion has produced ripples into everyone’s heart, mind, and energy fields. No matter the degree we are focusing on the invasion, it is affecting us all. Why? Why this invasion when there have been others in recent history? Why is this Russian/Ukraine issue producing such global concern and focus?
Old Energy. It’s old energy. It’s outdated energy. For those of us who know that pure, positive energy is blasting around, to, and through Earth, this surfacing of old, outdated invasion-of-another-country energy is triggering us into awareness. (And, for this awareness, we can be thankful. Not thankful for the event, but for the result of the event that allowed us to be brought into awareness.)
We can see two main responses to this awareness: some people are in anger and action while others are going within utilizing Earth’s connective grid and unseen positive energies to bring about newness.
Out With The Old and In With The New. This newness is kicking old energy to the curb. This newness is lighter, feels really good, feels like relief, feels like layers of heavy garbage being lifted off, feels like, “Oh! This is the way we are truly meant to live.” It’s where we all are headed, but as many of us as possible need to heed the awareness and practice daily, conscious focus on peace as described below because time is of essence.
Fortunately, there are some humans who have a strong protective, soldier energy within them. (We all have this energy within us, but some of us have it so strong that it’s a life style or a career choice.) These are the ones who felt called to be part of the military, Peace Corps, or other organizations who can make hands-on impact. Many thanks to these brave people. As long as this type of response is done with peace energy vs. anger energy, it will be effective. Anger vs. anger creates anger.
Our Grand Human Opportunity Is Here…Now. Choice. We all have choice when it comes to anything that surfaces in our lives. I’ve written this statement over and over in my posts and books that Divine Wisdom gave me years ago: “You are never stuck. Your child is never stuck. You always have options with everything.”
It is choice time for every single human to decide not only with big situations like the Ukraine situation, but with every day situations such as experiencing rude driving, gossiping, political inconsistencies, or financial concerns what will be my choice response and how will I do it?
It is choice that we catch ourselves when being triggered with life’s current events and say, “Ah ha! I caught myself being pulled out of peace. I choose peace even though ______________ is happening.” Then, a re-centering happens and POP! we return back into peace knowing that this is adding onto all the other people popping back into peace consciously. (And, when you do this, parents, you are modeling a very important life strategy for your kids. The younger Earthlings also add unto Earth’s peace by being guided back to their own peace and tapping into Divine Wisdom.)
Effective peacemaking can be done both on the ground in conflict location and from the chair in which you sit…right now. Will you choose to tap into the Divine Wisdom that is literally within you at the Soul level that Jesus, Mother Teresa, Buddha, Gandhi, and others demonstrated for us?
This is one way to tap into Divine Wisdom:
- Get settled in your body. This means to focus on your body. Feel yourself in your body. Sense that you are more than skin, organs, and bones. There is a vitality running through each of your cells. There is a buzz, energy, or vibe that permeates you. When you sense it, it’ll feel good…really good. It’ll feel peaceful. (You can do this while driving your car, but be sure to keep your senses alert, eyes open, and your driving awareness keen.)
- See your energy or see this vibe being extended out from you about five to ten feet in a sphere.
- Ask for the Highest White Light to surround you and this sphere for protection permanently and completely.
- Shoot down from your feet into Earth a thick column of white light. Go as far as you’d like… something like five miles deep or deeper into Earth.
- Shoot up from your head into deep space a thick column of white light. Go as far as you’d like. See where your column of white light goes.
- While maintaining these columns of white light that run from the depths of Earth through your entire body up out of your head to space and your sphere of white light, see others around the globe doing the same thing…because they really are!
- See your white light literally connecting with their beams, columns, and spheres of white light creating a network of connection. Soon, you’ll see that the Earth is covered with white light.
This light comes from deep within Earth, a Divine being just like we are, to the surface and around the globe and also connecting with white light of beings (angels, Jesus, Mother Teresa, Buddha, Gandhi and others) so that Earth becomes a brilliant, huge ball of white light for all of the galaxy to witness. It’s beautiful! In this state, peace abounds.
Negativity can not exist in the presence of white light. Period. This is why this conscious peacemaking from your chair is so effective. It is real. It is extremely helpful to kicking old energy to the curb where it is disintegrated into nothingness or no-thing. It is replaced with the powerful, wonderful, loving white light of peace.
Sense your body now. Feels pretty good, right? This practice can be done in one minute.
- It can be done while waiting for a red light to turn green.
- It can be done while waiting to see the dentist.
- It can be done while waiting to pick up your kids from school.
- It can be done right before you fall asleep.
- It can be done before you rise in the morning.
- It can be done while doing dishes, laundry, or mowing the grass.
AND, it can be done:
- when someone gossips about you
- when someone cuts you off while driving
- when someone takes your parking spot
- when someone on TV says something stupid, biased, manipulative, or misleading
- when someone irritates you
Soon, you’ll find that you maintain this state of white light awareness all the time. It is effective peacemaking while you live your day. It’s lovely world, yes?
It’s March and it’s time for the mid-year school check up. Or, is it a check in? Certainly, it is NOT a check out! It could be a check with or a check about… No matter how you want to name it, March is an excellent time to see how things are going, make adjustments, and make plans for the remainder of the school year.
Suggestions for doing this well, peacefully, and with your teen’s cooperation:
- Contact Teachers. If it is not near the time for an end of a quarter when you’ll be receiving an official report card, contact your child’s teachers for an updated social and academic progress. How best to obtain your child’s teachers’ attentions is thoroughly explained in Chapter 11 titled “Parent Communication” in my book, Creating and Managing for Wonderful, Awesome, Successful, and Thrilling Middle School Experiences, but for now in this blog I’ll just state the best way to obtain the teachers’ attentions is by email.
- Gather All The Information. Use many points of information non-judgmentally, from an observer’s point of view, to have a co-creative conversation planned ahead of time – meaning, it’s on the family calendar and not sprung on your child, to co-creatively create solutions for a better, smoother, easier, more cooperative, and more pleasant slide into the summer months from this point forward. These points of information can include, but are not limited to: the updated social and academic progress report from your child’s teachers, a list of what happens in your child’s daily routine, a list of what happens in your child’s weekly routine, a mental check in (on a scale of 1-10, how do you feel you are handling all the elements of your life?), an emotional check in (how to do you feel about these things?), a check in with your child’s sports, or extracurricular coaches/leaders…in other words, it’s a thorough check in you’re doing with your child. Gather all the information from all parts of your teen’s life.
- Begin Co-Creatively. How you do this conversation will directly affect the rest of your conversations with your child. If this one goes poorly, confrontationally, or negatively, your teen will not ever want to have another conversation with you again. So, with any topic, you always have options with how this conversation goes/occurs/unfurls. Assuming you enjoy peaceful conversations and want to always have open, pleasant conversation with your child, begin stating these things such as, “I love you more than you’ll ever know or understand until you’re a parent. This is a co-creative conversation meaning you and I have equal say and input. I value how you see things from your perspective, and I am most interested in hearing what you have to say. We are on the same team. I’m excited about creating solutions with you because you know our family lives in The Land of Possibility.”
- Create Two Lists. From an observer’s point of view only, unemotionally, and non-judgmentally, discuss what is going well. List each and every item. Hopefully, this list will be super long! What’s a challenge? List each and every item. This is the list that will be the focus for solutions.
- Create a L O N G list of solutions. This is the fun part! Living in The Land of Possibility IS fun! List all the possibilities without judgement. Just list ’em! Listing ideas doesn’t mean they’re going to happen. It means you and your child are going to dive deep into possibilities. It means you and your child are going to dwell, bask, soak, stay, lounge, loll, and enjoy the positive energy that comes from listing possibilities. This is super important! Have fun! Keep this list because it is so empowering. Add more to it in the days, months, years to come.
- Decide what will create a win-win outcome. This is when your longer human experience than your child’s human experience comes into play. You can guide your child to the possible solutions that are reasonable and doable, will create a win-win solution, and will have long-lasting positive effect. Guiding here is optimal. Allow your child to feel he or she is picking the solutions… that you agree with. The ownership with the solutions will serve you, your child, and your family well. If your child picks the solution instead of you telling which ones will work best, your child has ownership. There is a MUCH higher chance of success if your child feels he or she is selecting from the options. My daughter tells me now that she always knew she had choice and options and felt I allowed her to make her own decisions, but realizes that I was always right there guiding her. This is empowered parenting! This is co-creative parenting at its best!
- Reiterate options. So that you can always have these conversations in the future for any subject, repeat, repeat, repeat that you are on the same team, that you always have option with everything, and that your family lives in The Land of Possibility all the time.
Enjoy the benefits of this type of parenting. Relish in it. Pat yourself on the back. Say out loud, “I’m am awesome parent! I love being a parent! Parenting is fun!” Enjoy!
I listened! Middle School Years Without Tears: Creating and Managing for Wonderful, Awesome, Successful, and Thrilling Middle School Experiences is now available in paperback!
If you’re the type of person who loves to hold, look at, and smell a book in your hands, then the good news is that this book is available in paperback. Get your copy today and incorporate EMPOWERED middle school parenting into your life!
The following is an excerpt from the book, Middle School Years Without Tears: Creating and Managing for Wonderful, Awesome, Successful, and Thrilling Middle School Experiences.
Socrates had a good teaching protocol way back in the 300s BC. He encouraged learning through the questioning from his students. He drew answers out of them because he believed the answers were already inside of them. Socrates understood the satisfaction he could have regarding teaching was dependent on the satisfaction his students were having. It’s a symbiotic relationship: a relationship where both parties are benefit and neither is damaged.
Your child’s teachers may or may not be in synch with such a relationship. Your child’s teachers may not be anywhere near this understanding, but the fact remains, these are your child’s teachers so, how can you help your child have a positive experience with all of her teachers anyway? Here are some strategies and suggestions to do just that.
Your Student Communicates First
Encourage your child to communicate first with the teachers on his or her own before you, the parent, intervene. This promotes speaking up for oneself, learning how to communicate to a person in authority, and how to maintain positive relations regardless of a favorable outcome or not. Invaluable confidence can develop during such personal contact. The student learns to negotiate an issue, concern, or problem. A teacher may offer an alternative or compromise to the student’s request and this provides fertile soil for developing negotiating skills with others.
Before and during classes are the least effective and the least desired ways to go about communicating with teachers. Teachers are quite preoccupied at these times especially at the beginning of the lesson. It is to a student’s benefit to be wise about the timing and the approach. There are many commonsense, positive ways to do this.
- Upon entering the classroom, a student can ask to speak to the teacher after class.
- Upon entering the room, give the teacher a note regarding speaking to the teacher after class.
- E-mail the teacher to schedule a time to talk.
- Talk to the teacher during lunch.
- Talk to the teacher during the teacher’s planning time with prior approval.
Approaching the teacher is just as important as the conversation itself. This teaches the importance of how to get someone’s attention so that what you have to say is heard well.
For additional strategies to guide your child to communicate well with his or her middle school teachers, read Middle School Years Without Tears: Creating and Managing for Wonderful, Awesome, Successful, and Thrilling Middle School Experiences …now available in paperback.