Parental control is a fallacy. It simply doesn’t exist. This claim may create fear in some parents, but by understanding this truth – that parental control doesn’t exist – and what to do instead, it will provide parents the “control” they desire.
The truth is that beyond conception, children are completely autonomous. They decide to breathe, live, grow, learn, and yes, only they decide to be cooperative, peaceful, and joyful on their own.
A few years into my own parenting of my child, I asked what was the thing that allowed my child to be agreeable? To want to be cooperative with me? To express delight with life? I realized it was joy, love, peace and her innate desire for these things to be part of her life. Since she was experiencing them from me, she automatically allowed me to experience them from her.
Even as she entered the seemingly dreadful middle school years, she was still agreeable, cooperative, and joyful. Some people have said that I was lucky to get such an easy-going child. Luck? Really, now. Luck? With the “chance/luck” kind of understanding, we parents are all either blessed with a lucky child or doomed with an unlucky child? Really? No way. I don’t believe that fallible theology.
So, what is the difference when every child has equal opportunity to be miserable, uncooperative, and ornery or pleasant, joyful, and cooperative?
The difference: A parent who is one who has aligned him or herself with the goodness of life so much that his or her children naturally want to exhibit the qualities of peace, joy, and cooperation in response to the parents’ positive energy.
By the goodness of life I mean seeing the positive in all situations, knowing that All Is Well no matter what is happening, believing that clarity always follows chaos, and, most importantly, believing in the goodness, rightness, and perfection of one’s children.
With that kind of parental leadership, what kind of child would only want to exhibit peace, joy, and cooperation? Every child.
Have I raised an eyebrow or two with some of my comments? Yes, I do believe in the perfection of children. “Yeah, but you haven’t seen my child!” you say? “He’s a rebellious nightmare!” “She drives me crazy making mistakes all day long!”
There is absolute perfection in your child’s mistakes. Oxymoron? Nope, and here’s why. When your child makes a mistake, it is your parental opportunity. Did your child lie? Steal? Cheat? Embarrass another? Gossip? These mistakes are your parental opportunity to remind your child exactly who he or she really is – pure positive Love. By lying, stealing, cheating, embarrassing, or gossiping, a child temporarily forgot who he or she really is – pure positive Love- because when anyone is filled with Love, one never lies, steals, cheats, embarrasses, or gossips.
It is a perfect system perfectly designed by Source (God, Divine, or whatever you label Creator) to provide us parents with opportunities to exhibit pure positive Love, peace, joy, and cooperation because isn’t that what we want to experience with our children?
So when your children make mistakes, and they will, how do you react? React with pure positive Love, peace, joy, and cooperation. Use the situation as a perfect parental opportunity. See the situation as an opportunity for your child to learn about Earthly living. So it is a perfect situation, yes? I think so.
Allow your children to experience the natural consequences of the mistakes vs. punishment. Natural consequences may include experiencing estranged friendship from gossiping, personally having to return stolen item to the store owner, apologizing for lying to a neighbor, making amends to the person the the embarrassed child, etc. And, when a child is older: paying for a wrecked car, loss of job due to stealing, loss of friend due to gossiping, etc. These natural consequences are by far better teachers than any punishment a parent could impose.
Children behave not because of parental control, but because of knowing they are pure positive Love, because of experiencing peace, joy, and cooperation from their parents, because of being reminded of their innate desire for these things, and because parents see the perfection of their children. Peace, joy, and cooperation become their choices of action because there is no real parental control. It all comes from within children.
A parent who aligns with pure positive Love, peace, joy, and cooperation as much as possible leads his or her children to do the same. Do we parents want our children to align with the goodness of life so much that our children naturally want to exhibit the qualities of peace, joy, and cooperation in response to our positive energy? Oh yes we do! Demonstrate it for them and reap the rewards.