Ever secretly think, “I’m not enjoying this parenting thing…and, I really don’t like my kid.”
And, then, of course, the next thought probably is…”I’m such a horrible parent for feeling this way,”
You are not alone.
There are times when parents feel so emotionally and physically drained from a “challenging” child that there is not much left to gather even a glimpse of love. These parents are running low on love fuel. These parents are running on automatic parenting pilot. They are going through the parenting actions of feeding, sheltering, clothing, carpooling, guiding, etc. without positive emotions. It feels empty and lonely.
An understanding about what is happening AND how to address this situation is needed so that love, fun, enjoyment, peace, and cooperation reenter the family unit.
Much guilt and blame swirl regarding this topic. But, it is quite common to have these feelings especially during the middle school/teen years.
While it is common, “having a rough time with teens” is not automatic as being part of the teen years. Many parents erroneously expect, however, to have these feelings in their lives or expect parenting teens to be a miserable experience at some point. The attitudes, eye rolling, yelling, huffing and puffing, and lying can be avoided with an understanding of exactly what it is: an energy issue.
Understanding that whatever energy anyone puts out is what they get back relieves the guilt and blame surrounding this situation. Understanding that this is an energetic issue also reveals the solution!
Admit it. It’s okay to admit exactly how you are feeling about being a parent and how you are feeling toward your kid(s). Be loving with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. Be allowing yourself to have these feelings for they are communicators. The more you are loving yourself, the more these negative experiences will diminish. The more you show yourself love, the more Divinity will work through you, in you, and around you…thus spreading the love to those in your vicinity.
What is the problem? It’s an energetic issue. What is being put out by your teen and felt by you is what is inside your teen. The problem is an energetic interruption of love. It’s energetic static – not quite focused positive energy.
Send love anyway and here’s how: Find small things…anything…that you can highlight, feel good about, and can focus upon such as your child’s nose, toes, freckles, hair, or height. Start small. Start focusing upon what is pleasant to you. Talk about these things. Speak about them. “I like your cute nose.” “Thank you for wearing clean underwear today.” “I think it’s cool that you helped your sister this morning.”
Realize this is a phase and not permanent. This will pass, but the sooner, the better. Love the little things until this phase passes.
Be honest. Communicate that certain behaviors your child is doing are creating negative energy in the home, thus resulting in more negative energy in the home, between you and your child, and in your child’s life.
Ask for heavenly, angelic assistance. You have a world of unseen (usually!) helpers at your disposal to help you. Parents are quite special to Mother Mary, the patron saint of children. Call upon her to help you. “I want a peaceful home where everyone is honored.”
Show the advantage for your child of positive energy. Every middle schooler and teen (pre-emergent adults) is learning the art of negotiating one’s life. They are learning how to make their way through the plethora of others (peers) to get what they want, BUT they are immature negotiators. If there is a deal to be made, an edge to be had, and a means to an end, they’ll be interested in what you have to say about negotiating energy when you present it as a strategy to get what they want.
Don’t believe that these soon-to-be adults want to be negative for it is not their nature at all. Anyone who dishes out negative energy in any form is stuck and needs assistance to become unstuck – to return to our natural state of pure, unconditional love. In most cases with middle schoolers and teens, this can be done by showing them it is to their benefit to understand what energy is and how energy works.
All of life is energetic. It is Divinely created this way…on purpose. Some people call this energy Love with a capital L, meaning Love, Divine, God, or whatever label you want to place upon Creator. Everything is energy, and therefore, everything has Love. Computers, rocks, air, water, dirt, animals, flowers, and people all are 100% made of this Divine energy. There is nowhere to be, there is nothing that exists, and there is no-thing outside of this truth: everything is energy. Our bodies, thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, and beliefs are energy. Like attracts like and this goes with energy, too.
If a “challenging” teen is spewing out insults, bad language, and difficult behaviors, negative energy is spewing out. It is quite tangibly felt and experienced. The teen is bringing onto him or herself more negative energy in all areas of his or her life. It will automatically spiral downward without intervention or making this information known to the teen: whatever is put forth emanating from him or her is what he or she is bringing back toward him or her. Life is a mirror!
This approach shifts the issue from “you are ruining our home life” and “I don’t like you very much right now” to “you are an energy master bringing forth the good stuff of life to you.” Ahhhhh…nice parenting tool!